The Iron Lung, #15, July 1996
by Jeff Nachtigal
Don't they say you can always tell someone by their shoes? Do Italianleather wing tips really make a suit look like a million bucks? Or, dowhite running shoes look as funny to you as to me paired with nylons andexpensive skirts on female commuters? Bums certainly are lower down onthe totem pole of life along with their worn, cracked, lace-less boots.At least, that is, to quickly appraising eyes which hurry to look awayfollowing the first glance. Arriving at messengers, I find myself grinningat the absurdity, the amount of vanity we display in our own footwear.Thus the SHOE GAME is played out.
Ah, to slip into shiny new Sidi’s. Or to slide accommodating, soft Answersonto questioning feet. Pulling on venerable Shimanos and slapping the Velcrostraps down tight; stepping into Specialized; ignoring the tough to pronounceGame because they look as good as any. Diadora, Nike, Performance, andblah blah blah go the names of the fetish manufacturers for our feet. Lovinglycreated far away on a tiny island housing the shoe-giant Taiwan, we awaitthe new and upgraded models with itching toes. What will all the cool guysbe wearing? When can I get my own pair?
How much did those things cost you? You paid how much for those? Halfyour check? You really laid down $175 for those neon monsters? Way backwhen, before I had roughly circled the globe three and a half times inmessenger miles, most fashionable riders laced up Doc Martin boots fora day in the Seattle streets. Some even wore knee high boots, rain or shine.I'm sure they sweated their feet into cute little pink sausages, but theydidn't have to spend a dime after their initial purchase with such bombproof foot wear. Others, (perhaps less inspired to sing in a band) likemyself, pulled on white tennis shoes with plastic bread bags insulatingour feet from the wet. One veteran boldly stated: the ultimate messengershoe is undoubtedly a Chuck Taylor! They bend with the pedal! Not muchlater I saw him sporting clipless pedals with bright new Sidi’s- so muchfor the Chucks! The expense of shoes was easily negotiated before the onslaughtof competition overcame me and I joined the fray, eager to he seen andappreciated in my NEW SHOES!
You can usually pick out a rookie, who, with their tennis shoes andungainly toe-clips (pardons to the ABC crew who, excepting Matt Swan, allride free company platforms) lurch about with ungainly strokes. How doesone ride up a hill without expensive shoes? I don't know what I would doif I couldn't adjust tension on my upper foot with the handy dandy ratchetwhile waiting for the light.
And it sounds so cool! Click Click Click, I'm a racer! Wear and tearis a fact of life on the streets for feets. After you get done gingerlyprancing about careful not to mar the finish on the heels of the brightleather, the dog protectors go to hell. Soon the click click click is theecho of cleat on freshly waxed floor, and a rush is a disaster at the baseof the escalator (and this is barring wet floors of wintertime). The rubberis worn, the sole tired, the end of your once bright new kicks in sight.The wheels of mischief turn faster that normal upon this always untimely,while regular, occurrence.
Yes you all know the drill. Return Exchange Incorporated is always waitingwith open arms for those unfortunate problems with extreme shoe overuse.Just don't tell ‘em you're a messenger and there isn't a problem. Cash?Just frown and tell them you aren't satisfied with the product. No receipt?They were a gift, and now they don't fit right, so what if it took threemonths to figure it out? How did the tread wear completely out? You don'tknow, you just like to go mountain biking on the weekends. Always assumethe customer is right. Besides, even if you didn't get the damn shoes atREI, you know some fat cat is buying the exact same pair at this storeand throwing them in the closet. So, in some twisted sense, you are defendingthe rights of the true weekend warrior who won't ever think of warrantyinghis stuff because he can afford to buy the latest gear next year anyway.But at least make it easy on the customer service guys. They know exactlywhat’s going on unless you're some hot shot drama student, you big CHEAT!Clean 'em up, cut the frayed ends off, drop ‘em in the washer if you haveto. Take the grime out and grease the skids for that coveted credit slip.Walk out cool, and you will have another three or four months before youget to practice your skills again, in the interim enjoying the exaltedstatus which can only come from NEW SHOES!
Eventually we all succumb. The comfort- both from wearing expensiveshoes, and knowing that everyone else sees you wearing them- is too muchto resist. I graduated from tennis shoes to 50 dollar cheaps, to my current180 dollar Sidis, with a whole bunch of stops in between. Am I cool? Hah,hah. Don't ask me, I'm too busy adjusting my shoes. And damn comfortableshoes they are. I heard there is a new model coming out that retails forover 250. I can't wait.
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