By John Hind
Independent, November 16, 1996
 

"Being a courier animalises you," says Anthony, who is also known asJoe 90. "We're buzzed up on endorphins all day, cycling our tits off, likecavemen collecting food around the city, running away from T- Rexes anddouble-decker bus things with bigtails, watching lesser ants swarm outof tube stations and thinking, `Get off the road and into the office, idiot!',shouting, `You have absolutely no respect, do you?' in taxi-drivers' windows,and having chicks staring at our crotch packets all day.It's pure adrenaline.Rrrrrrrrr. I arrive home feeling, `Yes! YES! Champion Cyclist Mad-Man ofthe World!'''

At least courier John Paul has his mother to go back to - after thepubs, that is. He stays on top by being a "real gear queen" about his equipment.It's only under his bicycle that he sleeps soundly. "After a day of dealingwith pedestrians, 90 percent of whom have never seen the Green Cross Code,"explains "Biff" Owen, "you can carry on buzzing until midnight. Then youdream about hitting curbs and fall out of bed. So it's very important toget chilled first."

James (aka "Yuppy Scum") used to be a "trader on the life market" butis now "a glorified paper-boy". He is currently resting up on his womb-like canal boat after having "a nasty ding-dong with the road after a party".Owen, after "three consecutiveflat tyres on a bitter day, and snootinessfrom wannabe middle-class secretaries", relishes stiff brandies, "talkingthe legs off a stool", and then a tin of oxtail soup before DJing intothe night.

"I gobbed in a driver's face recently," muses Andrea. "I'd never donethat before. To cope, I usually cry afterwards. For three hours straightonce."

"Observing London at speed all day, you realise it's all a blink ofan eye. Sometime, the walls are going to come tumbling down. We're at theend of a world era," summarises Joe 90. "But it'll all be really, groovy,I'm sure"

Wheels on fire (clockwise from far left): after cycling through Londonall day, Anthony escapes to `levitation and the lotus position'; John Paulgoes home to mum; Andrea weeps then chills out; Owen, no longer `rapedby secretaries' eyes', spins recordsfor transvestites; Tim teleports mentallyto the Amazon; James goes back to his canal boat; and Biff Wilson, afteran accident which dislocated his shoulder and snapped his bike frame, goespartying. Only later does he say, `I' m in pain, but how's mybike?'