Moving Target,1991
The fearless, dashing and by his own admission, hugely attractive MrWilliam Bonney bares his bum in a quest to find those often all too elusiveplaces of retreat and blessed relief.
Now just how often have you been on a job, let's say that all importantpriority from Wardour St to Angel Ct EC2. Now you've picked up said package,or as we courier types say POBed, well obviously the next thing to do ishang about for an hour or so and wait for a double up. That's wait foranother job going the same way, as opposed to giving some one a saddlerto EC2.
Of course, any courier worth their weight in lithium grease would gostraight to their destination, legs pumping, adrenal gland secreting. Signaturesecured, you ralax. Big mistake, that spicy vegetable curry you had fordinner takes the opportunity to slide down to your sphincter. But you'rein EC2, a foreign land and not a toilet in sight. Don't panic, you'll upsetthe suits, relief is close at hand.
There are a number of toilets in the area, firstly the public sort.These are extremely hard to find, usually under ground in a tube stationor subway, the women's is invariably padlocked and the blokes’ has to bewaded into. The most convenient of these is probably at Smithfield oppositeBarts. Well kept, relatively clean but busy, you may have to queue andthe women's is always locked, Izal toilet paper too, sharper than a razorand only good for papier mache.
By far your safest bet is to get into a staff toilet in an office. Inthe city there are some absolute gems. If you're big enough and brave enoughHendersons at 3 Finsbury Ave far surpass them selves in the toilet dept.In fact, if you've nowhere to live you could move into this one, its thatbig. All marble fittings, clothes brushes and Ajax. My personal fave, 9/12Basinghall St is much smaller but in terms of comfort one of the best,well stocked with soft bog roll and the foot pedal flush is an absoluteboon. Hideously close to E1 is Plantation House, EC3, a monument to masslavatory use.
If you don't actuaily get lost in the place the basement is well worthsussing out.
So there I'll leave you in the basement of Plantation House, partakingof the hugest of huge repasts while getting your hair cut and having adump.
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